He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
