If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
