Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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