We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
my liver is dry heaving
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
