Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
