I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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