oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
