For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Quick, to the slutcave!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
