I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need mimosas to revive my soul
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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