Me. At least after what I've been through.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
