i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
