This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i think i just lost a toe
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
