Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
