...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
