he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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