Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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