you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
