Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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