Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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