____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
