We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
