I will die if light touches me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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