OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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