She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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