No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm always down for nudity.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
