You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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