It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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