I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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