THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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