hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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