My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
