Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
