we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
