yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
