turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
