I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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