i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
