she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
