maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
