She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
