I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
