C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
