apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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