Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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