Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
not ubering you a puppy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
