I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
