I will die if light touches me.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
