What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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