As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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