is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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