I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
