good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
