Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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