I've blown a few things in my day
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
