tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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