Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
