I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
