My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
