escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
