idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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