i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
