whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She bit a glass in half.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
