Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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