Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
