Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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