If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
