A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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