I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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