What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
