are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
