he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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