Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
